Oxfordian Life
Advice for Discipline with Love
The February session of Family Connection took up the theme of Discipline with Love, delivered by María Espinosa, who offered important tools for raising children based on the positive discipline that The Oxfordian School implements successfully as a teaching resource.
She explained that when we face situations with our children that test our capacities as parents, we tend to fall back on strategies learned from our own parents — or, on the contrary, in wanting to change the pattern of upbringing, we employ other methods that turn out not to be as effective as we believed they would be, and frustration sets in.
She set out how important it is for children to have structure in their lives, since this reduces uncertainty and anxiety. This applies both to schedules and to the attitudes we adopt towards the behaviour they present. She affirmed that children respond favourably when they know in what order their activities are to be carried out, and what the consequences of their behaviour are.
Recommendations for maintaining structure
For that reason, in order to minimise tantrums, she offered some recommendations for putting structure in place at home: consistency, predictability and firmness.
To achieve consistency, she recommended carrying out activities for 21 to 90 days until a habit is created; predictability refers to the need to explain new routines, or the consequences of particular actions, and to make sure they are understood before imposing them — with the help of visual aids if necessary; and finally, firmness matters in honouring the agreements that have been reached and applying them whenever circumstances warrant it.
She also mentioned three areas to define in order to maintain structure in our family environment:
- Limits: these let children know what is and is not permitted for them. These limits should be clear, respectful and framed positively.
- Routines and schedules: in this way children learn the steps to follow in carrying out their hygiene and self-care activities until they become independent. Routines should be workable and sustainable, and will be more effective if they are established together.
- Rules and consequences: these let children know in advance what will happen when they cross the limits that have been set, and give them guidelines for maintaining harmonious relationships at home and in other settings. Children respond better to these rules when they are established as a family, are clear, and are structured positively (what they CAN do).
Following these recommendations for discipline with love — kind and firm — creates a sense of connection and an integral character, and builds awareness of their own capacities, as well as being effective in the long term.
Family Connection is a programme The Oxfordian School offers free of charge, with monthly sessions in which experts provide tools for raising children.
On this occasion the talk was given by María Espinosa, director of SIPA (Soluciones Integrales en Psicología y Aprendizaje), which offers a wide range of services for children and young people with permanent or temporary special educational needs and other learning difficulties. It likewise offers guidance and training services for parents and for other health and education professionals involved in the development of these children and young people.
To view the session’s presentation, follow this link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wdZtx1LScY0CgWBWfm8BjqHPMZQR_EGy/view?usp=sharing
